They say ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ but hell if you’re gonna scorn a woman on Twitter #UrGettingBodiedByAStripperNi**a
Many of us woke up this morning to the sweet sound of birds signing and some of us to the buzz of two more tweets that set off nothing short of a shitstorm and a playlist frenzy of sorts. Hell – if you’re gonna mess with a bad bitch – don’t mess with the boss lady who’s written the book about how to be one. I’m currently having a crisis of conflicted emotions that are both calling on my sense of sisterhood but also have me questioning whether I can separate the men from their music? But it isn’t about the music right now, it’s about a woman. Do I think Amber Rose should have done anything differently – hell no, it wasn’t about her till it became about her and she dealt a blow in two short tweets.
— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) January 27, 2016
— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) January 27, 2016
If the fact you’d mistakenly taken to believe we as a society have matured sexually and got past shaming women about sex – it’s time to get caught up. Amber Rose’s graceful conclusion to her recent essay for Time Magazine, got me thinking – “So please: Before you judge someone—especially another woman—put yourself in her shoes and also look at your past. That’s what a lot of women fail to do. They’re so quick to call another girl names, but it’s like: You know what? There may have been a time where you looked back and said, “I probably shouldn’t have done that.” Does that make you a ho? No, it makes you a human.”
Fuck fake respectability. I can’t say I don’t feel mildy envious of Amber’s bravery to just call out a guy like that – as if there haven’t been plenty times I wish I could’ve just shut it down in two tweets. I don’t want to read patronising statements about Amber Rose, she’s doing pretty well speaking out for herself. With two Tweets, Amber’s came back strong from another episode of slut-shaming and created all kinds of waves.
You wanna mess with a bad bitch – then you get bodied by a bad bitch. But I’m detecting something of a silence in the air from all those so called feminist blogs, Amber came back like a bad bitch and shut it down – I can’t say I don’t rate her for it. So I’m also feeling offended when I see a news article finish with a closing line insinuating Amber as the protagonist – ‘Too bad his ex-girlfriend Rose wasn’t feeling too forgiving‘, why should she be forgiving? And I felt offended when another writer chose to raise some difficult questions about ‘Kanye’s view of women‘, but also slipped in a line about Amber ‘weighing in with a sex-shaming comeback‘ – sorry but nah its more than that. Amber’s been open about opening up in her book “There’s a lot of things that I’m just extremely comfortable with that I talk about all the time because I’m confident in it and also to bring confidence to other women, that they don’t have to be ashamed of their past.”
I also just can’t ignore those dick-pic, nip-slip, click-bait journalists who’ve contributed to the slut-shaming slew of articles that scare women into shameful silence and men into the voyeur. This bad bitch wasn’t taking it silently and just so we’re clear here, Amber’s give’s her definition of a Bad Bitch (n.): is a self-respecting, strong female who has everything together. This consists of body, mind, finances, and attitude; a woman who gets her way by any means necessary.
But I can’t help thinking about some very different kinds of questions – pin it all on one man and you’ve found yourself a convenient scapegoat, try and ask the bigger question about the part society plays in shaming women and the voices get quieter. There’s no question about whether Kanye should apologise, there’s no debate to be had about that – he was out of line. But I don’t want self-proclaimed feminists to tell me why I should hate Kanye, and I can’t think of any PR in the world who would recommend Kanye to tweet his rebuttal this morning, If there is a PR out there who thought those two tweets from Kanye would shut it down – yo ass should be fired.
I don’t believe that ‘West’s behaviour reeks strongly of the noxious virgin/whore archetype that still plagues popular culture‘. I don’t see that his thrill in having ‘the whole industry want to fuck your old chick‘, has changed, I’ve seen tweets, music videos and magazine spreads that pretty much look like Kanye’s pretty happy for the whole industry to wanna fuck his new chick.
Society has been trading in sexuality freely, why today even Rita Ora’s unleashed her nipples, not long after Rihanna did the same for the same publication. But is there a difference between the women attempting to break the internet for a fat cheque and a publication paying for the boost in publicity or the women who do it and get far less out of it. I’m bored already *ala Kristen Stewart – but I’m asking where’s the gender equality here? Sexual currency is trading everyday, stocks go up and down but no it’s not just the men who feed that domain, women are getting paid off it too. So who’s painting the perception of respectability and morality that makes it fashionable to celebrate sexuality but slutty if you’re owning your sexuality?
This isn’t about TMZ celebrity BS, this is about the farce around sex. Coming from Britain where a bunch of British playwrights in 1971 penned ‘No Sex Please, We’re British’, fast forward almost 50 years and forgive me if I thought we’d moved beyond shame. As woman strapped into their cinema seats to lose themselves in their own beautiful dark twisted fantasties watching ’50 Shades of Grey’, how long is it going to take to realise that women might just like sex too?
Kanye’s talked about been into porn and we know he’s been into certain kinds of women, but he was also sure he didn’t want to marry a pornstar – technically. Kanye and Amber dated from 2008 to 2010 during the recording of ‘My Beautify Dark Twisted Fantasy‘. After their split, Amber went on to marry Wiz Khalifa in 2013 and gave birth to their child, Sebastian, in the same year. Within a matter of months Amber filed for divorce in 2014, citing irreconcilable differences. Kanye married Kim in 2015.
This isn’t just about Kanye, this is also about the way some men talk about women as if they’re trading stock in a piece of ass. If all you’re chasing is a piece of ass to show off to your mates, but when you wanna have a family you gotta trade up your piece of ass to give respectability to your own sense of shame, then who’s really the ass?
*Update 2/02/16 – In a development that has us hoping that women are ready to stand side by side to stop slut-shaming, Amber posted a picture today with Kim with one simple statement ‘Swingers‘. It’s about time we saw some real bonding going on or is it just wishful thinking.